Reflections of a Life
by Ri-nee-chan
Summary: Son Goku looks back on the life he has lived.


Reflections of a Life  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Ball. Akira Toriyama and Birdstudio do.  
  
Comments:  
  
All I can say is: Don't ask. I beg you don't ask how I came into writing this. There I am starting a prologue (for a HUMOR fic for god's sake) and something totally different comes out. I want to get this out as soon as possible, so I hope you all aren't mad at me for not writing down special thanks for all the great reviewers out there. I am very, very grateful for all your reviews, that's all I can say.  
  
Enjoy I guess..  
  
Your ~*Ri-nee-chan*~  
  
~*~*~  
  
The sun hadn't risen completely yet and everything that lives on Mt. Paotzu was still asleep. Everything, except for a certain man, who just came back to life a few weeks ago. He had been awake for a while now, but still couldn't bring himself to get up. Because if he did, he would wake his sleeping wife, who was still living in her wonderful nightly dream world while cuddling close to him. He had to smile as he watched her sleep.  
  
In the next dimension, he had tried everything not to think about his family and friends. He had told himself countless times that it was better this way. Chikyuu-sei wouldn't be threatened by some ex-tyrants or insane scientists, who all sought for revenge, anymore. And if Chikyuu-sei isn't threatened, the ones close to him wouldn't be threatened either. Simple enough.  
  
But it still hurt so damn much, however after some time his heart got numb from the eternal pain and he was able to bear it. Even if there were moments, where he just wanted to die..at least as far as it was possible for him at that moment. To be precise, every time Kaio-same offered him to watch his family and friends.  
  
He had done it one single time and afterwards never again. He had known it was going to hurt to see them and still not being able to be with them, but he hadn't imagined just HOW much.  
  
He had seen the cities, the forests around Mt. Paotzu, the river Gohan and he had always fished in and he felt how much he missed his home. All that however was bearable, after all he was prepared for it. But what he wasn't prepared for in the least was to see how grown up Gohan seemed so suddenly or how unbelievable inviting and comfortable his home still was, or how breathtaking beautiful Chi-chi looked.. 'You never know what you have got, till you have lost it'. Until that moment he hadn't got a clue just how true this speech was. And then, when he heard her laugh about something Gohan had told her, he had no greater, no stronger desire, than to be right there with them, to be able to laugh with them.  
  
He had broken the link then, because he didn't trust himself to bear this pain only a second longer. Just a short amount of time later he started training hard, so hard in fact that he would have died under other circumstances, but he was already dead, separated from them.  
  
Back then, training had been the only thing that was able to suppress his longing. Because he put all the anger that was boiling inside him in his training. Anger at the world, for ripping what he loved the most away from him. Anger at evil creatures like Freezer, Dr. Geero and Cell, who separated him from the people he loved and even threatened them. Anger at his friends and family themselves, because they weren't there with him; even if he knew that anger wasn't true. And at the end, the greatest and most furious anger at himself, because he was too weak to be able to stay with them. He was never strong enough, always too weak.  
  
When Raditzu came he was too weak to beat him and had to leave them all.  
  
When Vejita and Nappa came he was too weak and too slow to save them all and had to let a part of them go to Namek-sei, because he was too weak to go himself and later on he had to leave the other part because he had to fight again.  
  
When he met Freezer he was too weak to protect them, too weak to beat him immediately.  
  
After Freezer he was too damn slow to learn the technique at once, and so couldn't be with them.  
  
When Trunks warned them about the androids he was too weak to beat them and had to train, had to leave them.  
  
Even after his training, when the androids came he was too weak.  
  
And when Cell joined in the game he was entirely too weak. He died and left them anew, maybe this time forever.  
  
He was angry at this weakness, hated it with his entire being. This hatred had catapulted him to the new levels of a Super Saija-jin. Back then, he was sure that this hatred was the strongest emotion that existed.  
  
But he was wrong, there were many, far greater emotions than hatred.  
  
Happiness - When he saw his family and friends again. When he was able to hug his friends again. When he could make out Piccolos and Vejiitas small smiles. When he had his family back, with even one member more. How very foolish people are. Their whole life the long for heaven, for a paradise without noticing that they are already in heaven, in paradise. Because at that moment he knew what his only paradise, where his true heaven was.  
  
Pain - When his oh so heavenly paradise, his paradise like heaven fell apart. When Boo attacked. He knew from the first moment on, that this battle wouldn't be finished before he had to go back.. He was too weak again.  
  
Desperation - When his paradise was totally destroyed. When his sons and friends had to carry his burden. When his family and friends died.  
  
Resolution - When he vowed to himself he wouldn't let it end like this. When he forced himself not to be weak.  
  
Love - When he had them back. His heaven. His paradise. His friends. His family.  
  
When he awoke in their bed, in their home, in their world..when he was not alone anymore.  
  
He had gotten everything back. And he only thought about that. With probably one of the happiest sighs in his life, he took his wife in his arms. Actually, he thought. Actually, getting up doesn't sound that good at all.  
  
And so Mt. Paotzu slept on. With the prospect of a long, remaining peace.  
  
Owari  
  
~*~*~  
  
Like I said don't ask. But comment. *sigh* If you think about it, I wanted to write something completely driffrent.that's life I guess.  
  
Your ~*Ri-nee-chan*~ 


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